“Other people can love you. Other people can comfort you. But other people often come and go. And if you can’t soothe and reassure yourself in your darkest, loneliest hour, nobody can.” —Elizabeth Gilbert
This has been under my drafts for quite a while now. I’m hesitant to post this since almost all my posts lately and even my entries for writing prompts always tend to be melancholic. I don’t want to be such a downer but then I realized that being sad is not a bad thing. We need to learn to accept all kinds of emotion because if we constantly suppress them, they will manifest in our body as illnesses. I may be wrong but that’s what I noticed in my life.
Every time I talk to a specific person, I’m always asked about my love life, as if it’s the only topic in this world. Yes, I’m alone and occasionally lonely. And there were times I could be super lonely. One day I’m okay and the next thing I know, it feels like I’m back to zero. But isn’t that true for the majority of us? That at one point in our lives, we’ve experienced that?
And when you admit that you’re lonely, you will be advised to put yourself out there, make yourself available to as many people as possible, go on dating apps, etc. I have nothing against dating apps, I personally know of people who have found their spouses there (yes, they ended up marrying each other). It’s just not my thing, for me it feels like you’re “selling” yourself. No offense meant to those who are into it. That’s just my perspective. And then they will ask, how will you meet someone if you refuse to do those things. Honestly, I don’t know either. Sometimes I feel that some people equate being alone to a meaningless life. That being in a relationship will solve all our problems. If that’s the case, why are there couples who feel miserable and lonelier? Been there, done that.
My last relationship lasted for almost a decade, we almost got married. And I read something before that the amount of time it will take you to finally move on will be half the time of your relationship. So for me it should be five years. I’m in my fifth year now, I have moved on already but that doesn’t mean I need to force myself to fall in love again. When you’ve been badly hurt before, the more you’ll be careful not to experience the same thing again. The most painful experiences are also the ones that give you the best lessons.
I think the reason why I’m able to write poems or write anything in general is because of my past experiences, not just in love but in my whole life. Honestly, I don’t know where I’m going with this. I just want to be there for single people like me. Just because you’re single right now and the world sees you as “incomplete” doesn’t mean that you’ll accept that as your truth. That by now you should have your own family already, you need to be this or have that…don’t listen to them. Well, maybe you can listen to them but don’t take it to heart. You know what is best for you. It’s definitely okay to be alone and occasionally lonely. Do what you feel is right for you, do the things you’re passionate about and it doesn’t even need to make sense to others.
While writing this, I’m listening to David Gates’ Never Let Her Go, and this part is my favorite:
Well true love takes a little longer
Your heart beats a little stronger
You’ll know it’s real
Inside you’ll feel you’re home at last
I dream of having a simple life, with my husband and our kids. To have a happy and loving home. Maybe it will happen, maybe not. Maybe in this lifetime or maybe in the next one. Maybe next time I will no longer be alone sitting on that bench or maybe I won’t be here anymore. Whatever happens, I just hope that somewhere, somehow, I touched other people’s lives.